The Corporate Takeover of Christmas

People are still eating pumpkin pie when the Santa Clause decorations are fished out of the attic. The manger arrives on the table literally after the Thanksgiving feast has been cleared away and the Christmas tree pops up in the living room while grandpa is still passed out watching the Macy’s day parade.  Even before dad starts his Christmas light frenzy the department stores have already beaten him to the eggnog.  The reason why Christmas starts so early is because we depend so much on the market that we follow in tandem to the jingle bells of its commercialized landscape.

We are in the midst of a corporate takeover of Christmas. These multinational corporations have stolen Christmas and what they’ve given back is far weirder than any Grinch ever had. Once the money hungry businesses tycoons saw the sliver of consumerism coiled in the generosity behind Christmas gift giving they immediately saw an opportunity to make money.  Just like everything in capitalism nothing is sacred enough to be protected from exploitation; not even our beloved holiday and we have no choice but to follow their lead evidenced by a few factors:

  •   Massive box stores start Christmas at least two weeks before thanksgiving:  These immense establishments consume space like fat people in a plane.  Take a drive across country and all you see are the same box stores over and over and over again. They all start Christmas early with the best decorations so how do you compete with your neighbor when your neighbor is a 100 foot tall glittering snowman with flamethrowers for tits.
  • Mall Santa’s have become a great American tradition:  There is no other way to indulge in this cultural institution than to travel to an epicenter of consumerism.  I mean this is the way we pay tribute to a great Saint and the King of the Elves-we put him in a great temple where we can indulgence in commoditized market objects.
  •  Commercials rot our culture from the inside: People always follow the dictum of Christmas advertisement like zealous acolytes of a great imam. Advertisement is just a cultural delivery system anyway.  Whoever has the loudest machine or the highest platform to stand on makes the rules and runs the culture, “Get your loved one the gift that keeps on giving with vagisil now with new frankincense holiday aroma, keep your clam fresh this holiday season.”

But whats wrong with Christmas having a little corporate backing?  It’s the same joyous season but now that joy gets amplified times ten.  Where Christmas joy was once like a sneeze in a library now it’s like a blitzkrieg attack in a mausoleum.  Christmas needed corporate sponsorship.  The whole Jesus Narrative didn’t sit too well with the Atheists and the whole joy to the world was offensive to the people who like war.  Christmas needed to be revamped for the age of global capitalism.  I mean the idea of giving is not profitable anyway, it directly goes against the American values of: Find something that makes money and exploit the piss out of it.   The spirit of giving, instead, has been obscenely obscured by over indulgent materialism and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Merry X-mas holidays

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