A guy finds out his girlfriend is cheating on him with a Navy captain. The captain is married. I thought this was a good letter:
(his name here)
Look buddy you had no right sticking your nose around my relationship. Any guy with half a brain knows bringing exes into the mix makes things difficult. I don’t know if you were intentionally trying to sabotage my relationship with XXXXX but anyway you were the end all to that unholy union. I think you should reconsider giving lectures on ” A Culture of Excellence” I don’t think infidelity is the kind of moral conduct I want in my commanding officer. Do you command a ship in the same way you are a father and a husband?
– “It was nice seeing you tonight BB.”
So I was supposed to believe that was totally appropriate? Now your offending my judgement. Suppose you had to explain that same story to your wife. What would she think?
I didn’t come here to blackmail you or belittle you or ruin your marriage. I just want you to know that your hurting people dude. You hurt me, you hurt XXXXX (now that I’ve left her she is stuck fronting the bill on the apartment) your hurting Rachel because her husband is a lie, you’re hurting yourself and your putting your entire crew at jeopardy because of your emotional instability. You’re committing a fucking crime dude. I talked to a military lawyer friend of mine and he said it is a crime! Apparently article 133 and 134 of the UCMJ says you could get courts marshaled or chapter 10 if you get caught. He told me you would definitely lose your command dude, this is the kind of game your playing. I know how hard you’ve worked to become captain but I don’t want a criminal commanding my ship!
Listen! To have someone you love lie to you and cheat on you is the most gut wrenching hurt ever and believe me I wanted revenge on you so bad. I had spent weeks preparing how I was going to tell your wife about the affair on facebook, I was gonna call Naval Criminal Investigative Services and report your ass. But that emotion is gone now, my heartbreak for XXXXX is passed.
“It was nice seeing you tonight bb,”
Your accident gave me an opportunity to discover the truth behind the lie XXXXX had told me to cover up your late night liason. And if your still dead set on it being “appropriate” than I suggest you tell your wife and you will be able to see on her face the way that I felt when I found out about you and XXXXX.
Now these are my final words to you so make sure you have your reading glasses on. I strongly suggest that you come clean to your wife. You are a virtuous human being, virtue comes the Latin word viri which means to be “manly.” A real man doesn’t lie to the people closest to him. You have high moral excellence, you preach it a lot and a person who does not practice what they preach is a hypocrite and YOU (his name here) are NOT a hypocrite. I know you have high moral integrity dude you’ve just fallen a little bit. Your a very good person and you know what your doing is hurting people. If you don’t have your own house in order how can you be a Captain of a ship in the United States Navy? Your crew depends on you but how can they when your hurting the two people closest to you (your wife and your sons). Your wife is the woman who will be by your side when you are old and dying NOT XXXXX. Read “Crime and Punishment” by Dostoevsky. Your hurting people….Come clean to your wife. You can only gain from it:
A) You won’t have to keep living this lie.
B) You can look in the mirror and feel redeemed as a REAL man C) You guys can get help and work out any problems you are having in the marriage.
D) You will know that you have a strong sense of justice because even when you committed a wrong you came clean (From Crime and Punishment)
E) I guarantee she will be willing to work things out with you.
You would think that since you’ve flown a jet in a typhoon that telling the truth and coming clean would be a piece of cake, but it will be the hardest thing you could do, even harder than fighting on the battlefield.
I hope if I do hear back from you that you found the strength again to achieve that virtuous excellence that I know you can achieve. I’m warning you though the truth may ruin your reputation, it may ruin your career and alienate your family (for a while). It will take tremendous courage and strength. It takes even more courage to be a husband and a father than it does to be a Captain. The truth sets us free dude, it set me free. The kind of Captain who can win the war of himself is the Captain I would follow into battle.